Make the best of it.

So I now remember why I get so frustrated traveling with my young children especially in infancy! Nothing is more frustrating than FINALLY having a baby who is a GREAT night time sleeper just to watch all that progress slowly flush down the tubes after two or three nights of visiting Mass. Ugh! I couldn't be more frustrated. I am unfortunately reminded of what a nightmare it was having Cameron here at that age and he never slept all that well when we were at home in Florida to begin with! I am so scared of what lies ahead once I get her back home. As much as I am excited to be here to have the extra help and see my family and my best friends I am so tempted just to hop on a plane and fly back to North Carolina ASAP. Unfortunately/fortunately I decided to make this a longer trip to be here to see a certain friend who I now feel could give two shits that I am even here, what was I thinking. On the good side its more time to spend with those who do care that I am here but now I am faced with this new challenge of my "good" sleeper now suddenly waking in the middle of the night again and to top it off all three of us are not feeling well. Oh well, make the best of it that is what I intend to do. Deal with fixing things when I get home.

Let the countdown begin!

I think its so amusing that when I was reading some of my older posts I came across one from August 2009 going on about how excited I was to move up here, yaddy yaddy yadda! Its amusing to me because I just think back and remember crying when we pulled out of our driveway on Beechberry Drive for the last time ever and the day we signed papers to FINALLY close on the short sale of the house. I remember the second we arrived at our new home in Elizabeth City, it was very late at night and I wanted to cry because it wasn't "home", that house never felt like home. As much of an aggrivation it was especially on the heels of the short sale (2 months to be more specific), I feel it was kind of a blessing that the sistuation arose with that first house (the owner went into foreclosure while we were leasing from her) leading us into the house we are in now which has always felt much more like "home" to me. However, I have grown to dislike a lot of things about Elizabeth City. I do try to keep an open mind though...its small town living and I know Shane loves that. I have to admit that I even enjoy leaving work up in Chesapeake dealing with the chaos of traffic and shopping centers, etc knowing that I am escaping it all to come back down to this small "city" where there are less of those annoyances! And now the clock begins ticking away...our last year here. This time next year we will be the ones dealing with movers and new leases and for me finding a new job, etc.. When I think of it I am just mixed with emotions especially right now when everything feels very far from certainty. Our options are VERY limited especially in particular for DC chief billets. And the possibilty of us ending up somewhere cold and gloomy is more realistic than the possibility of going south to warmer and sunnier skies year round...that to me is petrifying especially since being here for the past two "colder than usual" winters has brought back a lot of the familiar feelings that led to my decision to leave New England most likely not to return again. Shane is still waiting to hear about making warrant officer though based on the way he is talking and the vibes he is giving out he is not feeling like it is in the cards for him this year. If by some small chance it is however exciting it will be that he makes it we still know that we have absolutely NO say in the first billet we are chosen to fill...again making someplace cold and gloomy a realistic possibility. Again makes me not look foward to it. And then there is the recruiting option that he submitted a package for most recently. That one I am still trying to figure out, so we'll see. In the mean time a large part of me is eager to leave E. City for several reasons...reasons I don't to go into right now. As I said mixed emotions and of course I am worried about it now...I just hate not knowing...I want to know but fear that once I do know (Alaska, Minnesota, New England, etc) that I will wish I didn't. Oh well, nothing I can do.
So my poor baby girl is sick once again! Congestion, croupy cough, runny nose, blocked tear duct...poor girl! And my little man is turning 3 in a couple weeks much to my amazement. I CAN NOT believe it. he is going to have three birthday parties and I can't help but wonder if that will do more harm than good in the spoiling department and teaching him the wrong thing. We also bought him a power wheels battery operated vehicle as his gift. I can't wait for him to see it...not quite what to expect from him as far as a reaction is concerned. I think is going to like it A LOT. Pictures to follow. Tomorrow we are going to give it to him and also we are taking him up to Chesapeake to see his first mocie in a theater and to Chuck E Cheeses which he has been requesting to go to for weeks now since seeing commercials for it on tv. Janice and Jim, our friends, are going to watch Caroline for the day. It will be fun!

A beautiful day!

So I had a very uncomplicated and very peaceful day with my babies today. But first as an aside, my baby girl turned 5 months old today. What better way to celebrate but a trip to the beach where I sat her with me and Cam at the water's edge where she could kick her feet around in the sand and splashed around in the water with her hands. She also spent some time lying on the blanket on her back taking in the wind and the bright colors of our rainbow beach umbrella looking very amazed and intrigued by it all. I took her to the doctor's office yesterday for a recheck of her ears (at her 4 month well visit they found she had bilateral ear infections, one was actually pretty severe, so of course after a round of antibiotics they wanted to recheck her 4 weeks from then which was yesterday). She weighed in at 15 lb, 15 oz...thats up from 14 lbs 15 oz 4 weeks earlier!! It also bears mentioned that Cameron at just about 3 years old weighs 32 lbs...she, at 5 months old, is over half his weight already. I find it comical just how different they are as babies anyway. She is a great night time sleeper, fortunately for me she started sleeping through the night over 2 weeks ago, he was and still is at times an awful nighttime sleeper but they are completely opposite with napping at least in the infancy stage! Cameron still pretty much is all around a crappy sleeper! LOL She has also started finding her feet and trying very hard to get them in her mouth and babbles constantly now at random times since this time last week. I find it so precious to hear two voices coming from the back seat now. At the doctors office in the waiting room yesterday there was a very active 18 month old there with both his parents and wouldn't you know neither one of them sat for more 60 seconds at a time before they were up and chasing him! Even worse they never sat down at the same time together, one was always up! It just made me think back to that age with Cam...and I am often reminded of it as well when I spend time with my friend Casey and her 14 month old son Tyler...how I dread getting to that stage. Don't get me wrong because I love that age for so many reasons like the exploration and their fascination with everything! Just watching their little minds work is awesome but for me it is so overshadowed by the constant up and moving and no time to turn away for even a second. I always remind me though to not take it for granted because I will miss every precious moment of that stage and age. I look at Cam now and what a little boy he has become...he is not the baby I knew anymore. Which brings me to our great day today. I decided to take on the challenge of taking them out to the beach by myself...it was the perfect day for the beach. My mind raced with anticipation and worry all the way there fearing that it was an insane move what I was doing. But once we got there and before I unfastened his seat buckles I had a talk with Cam telling him how important it was that he listened to me while we were there and stuff and that if he didn't behave we would leave right away. Much to my amazement that little man did not question one thing I asked of him, when I told him to do or not do something he listened immediately. He wore his life vest the whole time we were there without a fight, he even asked my permission before going up to the top of the small beach to play on the small playground set they have there. He sat down to eat lunch and finished his entire sandwich, he played in the sand quietly for while and went back and forth between that and the water's edge. I was just so amazed. I can't wait to take him back again. And for the first time in a long time I had a low stress, low drama, uncomplicated day. I am wondering now if because I was feeling less stressed for those few hours, less bothered by some things that he sensed that and we were able to have such a good day because of that. A good friend advised me recently that I need to start taking the cooped up negative energy I carry around from day to day and throw it in a more positive way into healthier things like cleaning my house, scrapbooking, my children, my family as a whole, all the things I love in this world instead of wasting my time on the things that don't deserve my time and consideration. And she is right. It was a little bit of a reality check for me and though it doesn't solve everything it was what I needed for right now or at least it helped set the scene for the beautiful, in every sense of the word, day I had with my babies.

Indoctri...huh??

This year is absolutely FLYING by!! It started crazy just because of the exciting ending to 2010...obviously Caroline's birth shook things up a bit. Debra and Ronnie (Shane's mother and her boyfriend aka Mema and Poppi) spent Christmas at our house and left the following Thursday December 30th to head back to GA. This was followed up by a visit from Grammie (my mother aka Diane) from that same day until the following Wednesday. And things just got crazier from there. My breastfeeding experience, I prayed and prayed and prayed would be much different this time around. In some ways it was and in some ways it wasn't. I care not to go into every little detail but I will just say I feel it was a more successful failure this time around. Again I hung in for 8 weeks enduring even more pain this time around and even infected, yeasty cracked nipples until I felt like it was consuming my life and beginning to affect mine and Caroline's relationship in a negative way. I also felt that slowly but surely my support system was dwindling until in the end it felt like there was one person encouraging me to continue. I found out that Caroline, and most likely Cameron as well, has a posterior tongue tie, something that is not as easily recognized as an obvious anterior tongue tie. As a last ditch effort to turn our experience around, I put her through the torture of an unsuccessful snipping of her frenulum and due to the fact that she bled more than usual after the procedure the pediatric ENT did not care to go back in again and snip more nor did I think it was worth putting her through again. It was a quick trip downhill from there. As much as I feel I exhausted EVERY possible avenue I could, again I just couldn't make it work. For the second time the end result of failure was the same but this time around I feel worse about it and it has been harder to get over. First of all, the first time around I had reassurance from my pediatrician that I did my best and just the fact that I had made it as far as I did was something to be proud of. Second, where I live now I have constant reminders of it. I am surrounded by mostly mothers who have had successful and effortless breastfeeding experiences with their babies, a few of whom are still going strong as we speak. I can't help but feel a whole array of mixed feelings including envy for these women but at the same time relief because I am not in pain anymore and formula feeding has so many positives as well. But enough about that...enough oh whoa is me crap!! That, I am fortunate enough to be able to say, is the most negative thing that has happened so far this year. Our baby girl is getting big VERY FAST. At her 4 month check she weighed 14lbs, 15oz!! That is unbelieveable to me seeing as Cam was a much more steady grower if I remember correctly. My Sweet caroline still has the same chubby cheeks she had inutero...its seems to be her hallmark...the one thing most people comment about. She has dark brown hair and a darker toned complexion than Cameron. She is currently attempting at times to roll but still has yet to be successful at it. She is smiling and cooing when people talk to her and just about a week ago she started to giggle. These precious moments! Just keep em coming! She has already had her first ear infections found unexpectedly at her 4 month well visit. Poor Cam has developed crazy seasonal allergies!! Poor kid is a heavy mouth breather like his mommy once was! He is just finishing a course of antibiotics to treat strep throat. He also is stil in diapers...stubborn little bugger!! He has pooped and peed on the pot but we really feel it is a control issue for him. We gave up on reward systems because I have come to believe that they just aren't gonna work for us. He is enrolled in preschool for the fall. They won't turn him away because he is not potty trained rather they will try and help us out with the issue instead. We talk about school and point it out every time we are near his school just to get him excited about it and used to the idea. We have his 3rd birthday party planned at a petting zoo/farm in Virginia Beach on June 4th...animals right up his alley! The party will be followed up by a two week trip to MA to see Grammie, Grandpa George, Shantie and Muncle where they will most likely have a party for him as well. Shantie came for a visit back at the beginning of March...it was a great time had by all! Grammie has also been here for 3 visits total since the beginning of the year. The first I mentioned was when Caroline was a few days old. The second was with Grandpa the first week in Feburary so Grandpa could meet Caroline for the first time. The most recent was the day after my birthday. She had a lot up her sleeve for this particular visit. She threw me a surprise birthday party while she was here and surprised I was right up until we pulled up to the house!
We are looking foward to our upcoming visit to MA.
I have been back to work since the beginning of April just VERY part time on weekend days so Shane can be home with the kids. I was initially supposed to go back to work 6 weeks postpartum, however the circumstances were just right and I had a very fair nurse manager. I was able to hold off to take care of getting my certifications all up to date and wait for Shane to stop traveling for a while. Shane, Shane, Shane...he came and went for about 8 weeks in a row. He made Chief in June 2009, however due to a very busy schedule and having to get qualified at this current unit immediately after he had to postpone things such as the Chief's academy. He got orders to go in what he called "the Spring"...yep you guessed it! Note to self...spring to Shane is the first week of Feburary! Of course it would be to someone from the south! LOL But anyway he left for 5 weeks, off to the Chiefs Academy in Petaluma, CA. He came home March 12th and turned around and left literally 8 hours later for West Virginia with his team from his duty station here. He was gone for another week, was home for once again only a day and a half then was off yet once again for another trip to Houston, TX. At least there he was able to see and catch up with Cam's godparents whom we haven't seen since we parted ways in FL. Again gone for another week, home for a day or two and then off to Moorehead City, NC for yet another week. Whew! Finally it appeared he would be home for a bit now! And he has been since, however until this past Friday it has been anything but rest and relaxation. He started the whole Chief's Called to Indoctrination (CCTI) process immediately upon returning from his last trip. It was a six week process based on the traditions of the Coast Guard and Chief's gone before him. It was filled with a lot of tedious and meticulous tasks and details to pay attention to and ended up taking quite a bit of money out of our pockets. Poor Shane went through the bulk of it while I helped whenever I could with things such as purchasing supplies and mailing things, etc. Needless to say we were both very relieved that the 6 weeks were FINALLY over this past Friday. It ended by tradition with a formal dinner during which Shane was officially pinned as an "indoctrinated" Chief which as I have been told is the Coast Guard's equivalent of becoming a made man in the mob! It was a nice opportunity for us to go out just me and him dressed up and it was a good night. Now to wait on word to see if he has a shot at making warrant officer this year or not. Feels like we have so many variables that keep our fate hanging in the balance before we find out where we will call home as of July 2012. So obviously more posts to follow...fingers crossed!!

Williford recap and year in review!

Once again I have been slacking! Each time I vow to be better at keeping up with it...so here goes try number one million and something!! Its been a busy year in the Williford household starting with the completion of what seemed like a nearly endless 8 month process of the short sale of our home in Florida. Bittersweet it was in every way...glad to be rid of a house that was creating so much emotional and mental exhaustion for us but a house at the same time was where our new family got its start, a house we called ours, that we took pride in. From the day in Febuary that we signed the papers we have just temporarily pushed it out of our heads or at least to the back of our minds where it won't wear us down anymore knowing full well that as much as it is most likely completely over that the banks still have another 5 years to pursue us for the amount not covered by the short sale. Until that day comes why think about it right, especially if we can't control it?? So onto challenge #2 of 2010 which happened to involve our living situation yet once again! So in April we learned that the house we were renting here at our new duty station since September of 2009, the same house we had been paying our rent on time monthly was going into foreclosure because the hoity toity bitch (forgive my lack of lady like language) that owned it had decided to just not pay her mortgage for most likely the entire time we had been under lease with her. What a stressful freakin mess that ultimately led to us ironically finding a house that size wise and comfort wise suits our family much better. We moved in June to the new house and immediately threw a party to celebrate our little man's second birthday! It was a great party, a lot larger than initially intended and/or expected, but successful thanks in part to our great friends we have made in the area and a pinata and the purchse of a mini bounce house for the kids (which since has been a big hit and come in handy on several other occasions). Our little man turned two going on six. What a little attitude he has developed and he is going through the terrible twos although he really does have a great personality. It may be biased to say but he is a very likeable kid overall. With Shane and I in dealing with Cam, due to his age and stage, it is a constant power struggle between us and him. He is as stubborn as they come. We get comments frequently about how well he talks for his age from people we know and complete strangers. He is a smart boy. He LOVES animals, farm animals in particular. He has had several opportunites to interact with animals this year including one of his little girlfriend's birthday parties back in September. She had had a farm animal theme complete with real animals for the kids to look at and touch. That is where Cameron had his first horseback riding experience on a honey brown horse named Sunny. He has not forgotten it yet. Its hard to believe how big he is getting. Never has it become so clear to me just how much of a big boy he is becoming as it has in the past few weeks. The biggest part of our year has been spent waiting and preparing for the arrival of our little girl. We found out we were expecting our second child in April. An ultrasound at 16 weeks was the first time we were told she was a girl. We decided to name her Caroline Rosemary...Caroline was a name both of us were drawn to looking through list upon list of girls names and later we realized it was a family name on the Williford side of the family...RoseMary being the combination of mine and Shane's grandmothers' first names. They both meant a lot to us and have unfortunately passed on. So finally after another great pregnancy (I say great despite being closely monitored again and taking weekly shots of progesterone from weeks 26-34 due to a history of preterm labor with my first pregnancy because I had no morning sickness again and carried all belly again and just felt pretty good in general) I went into active labor on the afternoon of December 23rd and finally decided to go to the hospital once my contractions became 6 minutes apart. Ironic enough the week before I had had a dream that my baby was born on December 24th and thought nothing of it quickly dismissing it until I delivered her after about 8 hrs of labor at 1237 am on December 24th. She weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and measured 19 inches in length. She was beautiful and of course it was love at first site all over again! And despite the fact that I had been stressing endlessly about how I wasn't really crazy about the idea of having a Christmas baby through my entire pregnancy I now feel it couldn't have been a more perfect date for her to be born...she is truly the best Christmas gift ever!! All we need to do is look at it from a more open minded, more creative perspective. We spent all day Christmas Eve and Christmas day in the hospital...despite our doctors' efforts to discharge us on Christmas Day morning, she unfortunately lost a little too much weight in her first 24 hours leading to us having to stay an extra night in the hospital. We finally came home on the 26th during a snow storm that dumped about 8 inches on us...something that is kind of rare for this area. We celebrated Christmas with my mother in law and her boyfriend on the morning of the 27th. My Sweet Caroline is here now and after not being home with my little man for three or four days and seeing only her during that time he looks so much bigger physically and older to me now. I just CAN NOT believe how fast time goes...it leaves me breathless. But nevertheless, as many bittersweet feelings as life can leave you with, each day this year it has become more and more apparent to me how truly greatful I should and do feel for every little thing I am blessed with!! I have never felt more blessed than I do now as 2010 comes to an end. Happy New Year!

Turning over a new leaf!

Does it make me terrible because I don't brag at least daily about my child? I'd like to think I am a great mom and that I love my child just as much as any other mother who does brag constantly about her child. Seems I do more whinning than anything when it comes to this blogging thing. Maybe that means its time to turn over a new leaf and focus more on bragging. I mean after all who wouldn't want to brag about my little man? He is just too cute for words! I am getting more and more excited for our move with every day that passes. Can't say I am all too excited at the thought of cooler winters again but feels like now there ain't nothing I can't handle! I am just looking foward to seeing/touching/talking to in person Shane FINALLY! I am also very thrilled at the thought of exploring a new place, living in a bigger house even if it doesn't rightfully "belong" to us by ownership standards, getting back into an actual routine, SEEING LENETTE, and the list goes on!! Time to move foward and not dwell so much on the negative which I obviously can't change or control any more!

ENOUGH ALREADY...the move is on...FINALLY!!!

So its official we are moving...finally going to be back together as a family again after just shy of three LONG months apart. We are going to be renting a house in ELizabeth City, NC. Our move dates are set up for September 14th and 15th. And if all goes well Cameron and I will arrive depending on any stops to be made on the way up there from Florida by weeks end at the latest. No news on the house yet. The lawyer keeps trying to reassure me that we are and I quote "further along than you realize". I will leave it at that. I have a realtor who likes to strike up conversation and stir the pot so to speak leading to panic in my mind just when I think things are going okay which leads to panicked phone calls and emails to the lawyer and his assitant...let me assure you that I am certain they both LOVE that. But seriously what am I supposed to do. I think I have been VERY VERY patient thus far. They haven't seen the worst of me.
But anyway, I am ITCHING to get the show on the road...I just want to be where my husband is right now. I am surrounded by lots of akwardness, feeling I don't belong in Florida because not much is left for us there anymore and don't belong back in the area that I grew up in anymore because aside from my immediate family and my best friends all that is left there is bad or painful or embarrassing memories. Shane and Cameron...our little family is where I belong. I just need us to be with Shane, where we are physically feels better when he is there too. I need to start put our life back together...on the road to recovery even though this situation with the house feels like its still only at the beginning. I need to try to get back to work at least a little bit and get us out of this financial rut of living tightly from paycheck to paycheck. And I think Cameron could use some time with other children to build some healthy social skills. I am so over being in limbo.