Turning over a new leaf!

Does it make me terrible because I don't brag at least daily about my child? I'd like to think I am a great mom and that I love my child just as much as any other mother who does brag constantly about her child. Seems I do more whinning than anything when it comes to this blogging thing. Maybe that means its time to turn over a new leaf and focus more on bragging. I mean after all who wouldn't want to brag about my little man? He is just too cute for words! I am getting more and more excited for our move with every day that passes. Can't say I am all too excited at the thought of cooler winters again but feels like now there ain't nothing I can't handle! I am just looking foward to seeing/touching/talking to in person Shane FINALLY! I am also very thrilled at the thought of exploring a new place, living in a bigger house even if it doesn't rightfully "belong" to us by ownership standards, getting back into an actual routine, SEEING LENETTE, and the list goes on!! Time to move foward and not dwell so much on the negative which I obviously can't change or control any more!

ENOUGH ALREADY...the move is on...FINALLY!!!

So its official we are moving...finally going to be back together as a family again after just shy of three LONG months apart. We are going to be renting a house in ELizabeth City, NC. Our move dates are set up for September 14th and 15th. And if all goes well Cameron and I will arrive depending on any stops to be made on the way up there from Florida by weeks end at the latest. No news on the house yet. The lawyer keeps trying to reassure me that we are and I quote "further along than you realize". I will leave it at that. I have a realtor who likes to strike up conversation and stir the pot so to speak leading to panic in my mind just when I think things are going okay which leads to panicked phone calls and emails to the lawyer and his assitant...let me assure you that I am certain they both LOVE that. But seriously what am I supposed to do. I think I have been VERY VERY patient thus far. They haven't seen the worst of me.
But anyway, I am ITCHING to get the show on the road...I just want to be where my husband is right now. I am surrounded by lots of akwardness, feeling I don't belong in Florida because not much is left for us there anymore and don't belong back in the area that I grew up in anymore because aside from my immediate family and my best friends all that is left there is bad or painful or embarrassing memories. Shane and Cameron...our little family is where I belong. I just need us to be with Shane, where we are physically feels better when he is there too. I need to start put our life back together...on the road to recovery even though this situation with the house feels like its still only at the beginning. I need to try to get back to work at least a little bit and get us out of this financial rut of living tightly from paycheck to paycheck. And I think Cameron could use some time with other children to build some healthy social skills. I am so over being in limbo.

At least Cameron knows how to have fun!

Well I bet it was assumed I was going to let another year go by before writing something again, huh? Well the rollercoaster ride with the house in Florida continues although we have now come to the straight part of the track meaning there is nothing to do as usual but sit and wait...and wait...and WAIT. Quite frankly it sucks. We have now been forced into doing things that are against what we have worked hard our whole life to avoid...against what we know and have been taught is right. Thats right...the bank unfortunately only sees things as black or white meaning you either pay your mortgage or you don't and if you don't you obviously become a high priority in their mind. Translation we have to stop paying the mortgage.
As for home life, gets more exciting every day. I am discovering the joys of raising a toddler. Endless battles with him attempting to keep him away from electronics, power outlets, television remotes, telephones, etc all the while dealing with the temper tantrums that result from telling him no at least 3 times and removing him from the object of his temptation are the story of my day. And now today I saw the humor in it...after hearing the toilet lid in my bathroom slam shut and realizing that my little guy had wandered away into my bedroom while I had my back turned picking up his mess, so obviously I go to investigate. And what do I find? Of course the battery powered toy phone he was just playing with is now at the bottom of my toilet bowl still singing and lit up and Cameron is standing at the side of the toilet reaching into the water trying to fish it out. So of course I have to go pull his hand out and grab the toy out of the water with my bare hand, all the while I am fighting to keeping him from putting his hand back in and the water is leaking out of the toy on to the floor, the tub and my bare feet...ewwww! Just one of many adventures to come in life with Cameron.

A glimmer of hope please?

How about seeing even a little trace of that light at the end of this long tunnel, huh? I am trying to be as patient as I can, after all I did know full well jumping into this short sale process that we would be doing a lot of waiting and waiting and WAITING. For the time being its been okay one day blends into the next but then when things start to feel a little bit more hopeful it starts...a call from the real estate agent to stir the pot, which is what she does best, followed by a couple of not so reassuring letters from the mortgage companies which then in turn lead to a few calls to the lawyer's office just to hear them say "well, we really just don't know what will happen", "you have to understand that it takes time", "you have to realize you're one in quite a few files waiting on the same things", and so on and so forth all in one week! Add to it was used to be a pretty secure finacial situation that now has forcefully and VERY quickly become very shaky and me wanting to help get us back on track by going back to work even a day a week but finding out I can't because of childcare issues. Its very frustrating...all I can do is sit and wait and worry...all day long, ALL THE TIME. There are so many options all with all with equally uncertain endings, but which is the right one? No one seems to know. I feel like I am constantly being pushed down by that mean kid at school and he is standing there over me with his foot on my chest preventing me from getting up...no teachers around, no other kids around, nobody to rescue me or help me up. What an awful feeling. I'd just like a glimmer of hope...not false hope but REAL honest to goodness everything is going to be okay hope.

Is it September 24th yet?

I miss Shane. This all feels so weird to me...in an unfamiliar kind of familiar way. Confused? What I mean is sure I am used to the separation...you know I've done it before the gone for two months, only communicating by one means usually email except for the occasional phone call during the inports. However, now there is a nagging sense of permanence in this separation this time...most likely because I know in the back of my mind that he will never return home to this house and live with us under this roof or mow this yard, etc. He is the voice on the phone right now. And he has NEVER been a good phone person so that is making it even more difficult. I just can't wait to actually see him again, for him to get to see Cameron again. Is it September 24th yet?

Hurricane Cameron

Here's one I think most moms can identify with. So I am sitting on the couch watching what else ut reality tv...a series called "16 and pregnant"...sounds great right? Gotta love brainless tv. But this last episode I watched teary eyed as a 16 yr old girl carried her baby for 9 months, had a full labor and vaginal delivery after being induced and then gave her baby away to a couple she met only 9 weeks before giving birth. All I can say is WOW! Can some 16 yr olds actually be that smart...and incredibly strong? Through my own teary eyes I take a look around me at my house and assess a days worth of damage in the aftermath of hurricane Cameron. Pots and pans, a box of EasyMac, oatmeal packets, a bottle of vinegar, the little alphabet letters that once covered the front of my fridge, goldfish crackers and other food remnants as well as dried spilled juice are scattered all across the kitchen floor. Toys across the entire living room floor as well as the wrinkled and/or crumpled contents of the ValPak coupon envelope I got in the mail today. The decorative blanket that once neatly covered the ottoman is now lying in a big lump on top of the ottoman. The ottoman which usually sits in the center of the floor in front of the couch has now taken up residence in front o the tv and dvd player to prevent little fingers from pressing buttons. The decorative items and photo albums that usually are neatly arranged on the bottom two shelfs of a tall bookcase in the living room now are either on the floor in the kitchen, on upper shelves or have just gone MIA. Tiny little dings and knicks are visible in the wood of the bottom shelf of the bookcase from the repetitive banging of a tiny decorative vase, that had once sat on the shelf , against it. I can see into my bedroom from where I sit andI can see the entire contents of my pajama draw strewn about the floor in front of my bed. The docking station for the cordless phone lies still plugged into and outlet on the floor beside the dresser and its phone is in the complete opposite corner of the room. In my bathroom, pieces of my small collection of makeup items (foundation, moisturizing lotion, lip balm, etc.) as well as a few small bottles of hair styling products lie scattered on the floor after being pulled from the cabinet they were neatly stored. After all how else is a toddler supposed to entertain himself when he can't let his momma go to the bathroom without him? In the guest bathroom, mutiple waterproof squirt toys, stackable cups and such line the bottom of the tub and on the floor just beside the bathtub a teeny tiny puddle of water or two may still be drying up after we discovered that throwing the toys out of the tub when momma wasn't able to catch them was much more fun. And an empty cardboard roll sits in the toilet paper holder while the last few squares that once were wound around that roll lay in a pile on the floor beneath the holder. And on to his room, the contents ONCE AGAIN of not just one but two drawers and half of the cabinet beside them of his dresser lay either in front of the dresser on the floor in a mound or hanging out of the front of the dresser or perhaps in his sock bin. Half the contents of his bookcase lay in front of it of course and also the toys that also once lined the shelves as well lay in a pile with the books. Also strewn about the room on the floor are shapes that belong to other toys and the blocks that belong to the little push and go alphabet train he got for his birthday. Some woman, even years ago I would've thought I would've included myself, would be annoyed with this. But as I sit and look at all the chaotic mess around me, I can't help but smile and feel lucky and VERY happy that I am able to see it. He is the best thing I have ever done right in my life, aside from marrying Shane. I can't ever imagine having given birth to him, going through all that and coming home empty handed and never having the opportunity to look at the utter chao that surrounds me. But I do applaud that 16 yr old for doing what she had to do, what she felt in her heart was right given her circumstances. So I got up went to my baby's room covered him up, watched him sleep for a minute (even the postions he ends up in when he sleeps look chaotic) and then kissed his head. I thank God every day for him.

Gotta love happy endings...to the week that is!!

So someone must have been paying attention the other night during my gripe session. We have had a little more activity over the past 2-3 days with the house. It has been shown 3 or 4 times since yesterday and another offer came in...although a very very VERY lowball offer...leaving me feeling a little bit more optimistic again that hope is not lost forever...that is until this upcoming week when it all slows down again. Any foward motion is good though.
Cameron and I spent the afternoon killing time together at the mall getting his 1 yr photos done while real estate people were showing the house. I must say I was very pleased with the photos...I may be biased but my baby is one of the most cutest, most precious little guys ever! No one knows how to put a smile on this gal's face like he does...well maybe except his Daddy...funny they just happen to look very much alike! To top it off I also ended my week with a long, fantastic, comforting conversation with one of my best friends who always somehow knows how to put a smille on my face as well.
Got some sun time today. I took advantage of the sun shining for the majority of the day by taking Cameron to the poopl for two and a half hours today with Nancy. And tonight without my husband here and no babysitter and my little man in bed, i am happily spending my time with good pizza, a slew of chicks flicks to choose from, a tasty bottle of wine and a great friend all while curled up on my comfy couch. Overall, the week has ended pretty well. :)

Enough Already...My Pitty Party...

In advance I have to apologize to anyone who dare read this. Quite possibly in one of my worst moods today. Once again it was another rainy day for at least my part of the sunshine state therefor making travel beyond our front somewhat less desirable for anything that was not nessecity. Cameron is cutting 2 molars and an additional front tooth all at once now and I sense that it was either that or his stomach that were making him a little more on the fussier, clingier side than usual. I feel heavier and more jiggly than ever...seeing fat accumulating in areas on my body like I've never seen...the scale reflecting my recent 10 lb weight gain due to the recent trips we've taken and just not exercising like I used to. I have also been just incredibly lazy since our return home from Houston. I know it is mostly things with the house making me feel this way. The most recent update with the house..."our file is in the hands of both lenders and is currently under review...call back in another 5-7 business days". The activity was out of control for the first six weeks on the market and since we've seen that activity slowly decline to a screeching hault at this point. I haven't even heard from the real estate agent in about a week. Out of frustration I feel as if I have gone on strike with keeping the house in order and clean as diligently as I had been in the past two months. I can't express just how unbelievably frustrated, hopeless, defeated, saddened I feel by our situation and the inexperience by all those involved perhaps with the exception of our attorney. I mean Shane and I have good heads on our shoulders for the most part. We don't carry/use credit cards, always make sure we have a little bit of a cushion in savings, don't have tons of fancy toys or new things, etc. all in effort to keep us out of debt. I feel like we've done a lot right and here we sit watching our savings account rapidly diminish and await or better yet brace ourselves for the huge blow we are going to take to our credit once the sale of our house happens...but then again thats IF it happens. And now our family is separated by hundreds of miles and all we have to look foward to is the uncertainty of the future...again will the house sell, when will we at least SEE each other again if only for a weekend, etc. Also as happy as we are with Shane's recent advancement that did not come without its own set of issues as we see his pay one chaotic mess complicated further by PCSing in the same month. Translation...more stuff to stress about as I once again am being told to be patient and it is out of my control. Now I will tell anyone who doesn't already know me well that patience is a virtue I was not blessed with. What little patience I have been giving all of this...I have know idea where it is coming from as I sit day after day waiting for anything new to happen or be reported to me. I have not been able to work obviously because my childcare situation has gone from bad to worse with Shane being just completely out of the picture physically anyway...unfortunately he is now a voice on the phone and I can't help but understand a little bit of what its like to be a single mother right now. Obviously I know there is no one at fault for this. I guess it just makes me sad more for Shane because I know it is KILLING him to not be with us and also with him knowing he is missing out on watching his son grow. A part of me just doesn't want to work right now because I don't want Cameron to not have at least one of his parents even if only for a minute. I feel like whats the point in putting the effort into finding some kind of childcare for him when I couldn't even tell a potential childcare person how long I would need it for because I don't know when we are moving. So here I sit waiting....and waiting...and waiting...and WAITING...obviously also feeling sorry for myself as my brain is screaming get up off your ass and do something to affect the things that are within your control! Bottom line I am being pushed to limits I never imagined...ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

Additional Family Year in Review

I feel as if more of a recap is in order after realizing after my last two posts were written that it has been well over 6 months since my last blog was written. Damn I really need to get better at this. Anyway, here goes a year or at least a half of a year in review!

Okay so first the easy part...Shane had his surgery and we did manage to have a great Christmas anyway. He did make a speedy recovery in just three months, back to full active duty...running, exercising, etc. He, as mentioned before, has now finished his three years on the Resolute, missing the last patrol due to his recovery of his knee. In the process he made chief and the rest is history...and the future.

As for Cameron, well I made mention of a few things in my previous post from earlier. He started crawling and standing holding on to things all in one day in January at 7 months. He was late with the cutting teeth thing. He had a great and utterly adorable toothless grin until just recently, about his 10th going on 11th month. He started with one tooth for a few weeks and then all of a sudden cut 4 more at once. Aside from TONS on drool he for the most part has been very pleasant during his teething experience. He was baptized to the Catholic faith in March. We chose my sister Sheila and Alfonso Ramirez, a fellow Coastie to Shane, as the godparents. Cameron has also been quite the traveler for a little man of his age. In his first year he has been on four vacations involving round trip travel on airplanes to Massachusetts to see his Grammie and Grandpa George and then to Houston to visit his Nino Alfonso. He also was lucky enough to spend one week in Disney World meeting Mickey, Minnie and their friends. He has also taken quite a few lengthy road trips mostly to visit his Memaw and Grandpa David in Georgia as well as a LONG road trip to Massachusetts. It goes without saying that Cameron truly is a beautiful blessing in our lives. He is the center of both of our worlds. His smile and his outgoing, happy, playful personality are enough to make any day brighter.

As for me, not much has changed on my end. Still putting in a shift here and there when I have someone to watch Cameron for me. In the meantime I find myself feeling very priveleged that I am even given the opportunity to spend so much time with my son, to watch him grow. With Shane being gone so much it means so much more to be at home with him. Sounds cheesy but its 100% true. Not to mention the fact that it helps he looks so much like his Daddy still with his Momma's eyes!! :)

Since mid March however we have unfortunately been dealing with the battle to sell our house. Due to the unfortunate turn of events in the real estate world we have seen a dramatic depreciation in the market value of our home. It has currently been on the market since May 1st with lots of activity for the first 6 weeks. We have also since hired an attorney to guide us in the short sale process which has been a huge relief to me. It has been a very frustrating and often complicated or confusing process that I hope no one ever has to go through again. And we are just currently in the middle of it...kind of in limbo...almost feeling hopeless like there is no end in sight. If anything this experience, I know, has made and will continue to make me stronger no matter how much I may not realize it now.

Congrats to Shane!

I am so proud of Shane for his latest accomplishment. He made DC Chief on June 1st. He moved on to his new duty station working MSRT in Chesapeake, VA on June 25th. He has been living in geographical bachelor housing in Elizabeth City, NC and will remain there until Cameron and I can move up and join him when we finally sell our house in Florida.

Its been a year...unbelieveable!

I can't believe it...my little man is now one year old! How fast the time flies. He has accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. He now has 5 teeth and 2 teeth coming in. He took his first two steps ever when he was 10 months however took a hiatus from walking any additional steps until he was 11 months old. Now at 12 1/2 months he prefers walking to crawling. He is climbing on and off the furniture...he has just become Mr. Daring. He's got all kinds of new dings from his new found legs. I have affectionately called his walk the drunken Frankenstein walk. He had his 12 month checkup and measured 22 lbs and 30 inches. He has mastered saying "da, da, da" and now has been working on "ma, ma, ma" as of last week. He has become very vocal overall...babbling like he knows exactly what he is saying and as if we understand what he is saying too. He loves things with wheels...wheels seem to fascinate him. He FINALLY decided to sleep through the night when he was a little over 9 months. Now he's on a great schedule of 10-11 hrs sleep a night and two naps a day. He's got a great appetite. Some of his favorites include hot dogs, mac n cheese, lil' crunchies and raisins. He loves milk and his apple juice.
He got two birthday parties. One was in St. Pete on the Coast Guard base with a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme and the second was in MA as his Grammie and Grandpa George's house with a Curious George theme. Its been an exciting first year.

Again its been forever.  Hard to believe I rang in 2008 and I was barely pregnant and working full time.  I rang in 2009 last night, Shane and I plus one, and we all were asleep before midnight.  How exciting is the life I lead?  

What a special year 2008 was for us.  Our baby is almost 7 months already!  Cameron has already changed so much and reached so many milestones in the past 6 1/2 months...smiling all the time, rolling all around, sitting up on his own, making strides toward crawling and working on cutting his first teeth, cooing and babbling endlessly, eating real foods, growing like a weed! So far his likes/loves include bananas, his swing, his feet and his baths.  He looks more and more each day like his daddy with the exception of his eyes...those are like his momma's.   I'm so excited, happy, sad, fearful, etc all at once watching him day after day growing in every way. And I have found motherhood to be very special and rewarding and somewhat of a challenge A LOT of the time especially when it comes to sleep...something my little man still does not like to do a lot of.  We are still working out the kinks, Cam and I.  He really is so precious.  He has just made my life!  I have gone back to work here and there.  For the time being I remain an ER nurse turned stay at home mom.    

And on to Shane.  This has been a somewhat eventful year for Shane as well.  Still stationed on CGC Resolute, he spent the beginning months away from home in his own "Groundhog Day"-like hell.  The ship did go up to dry dock in Baltimore for appx 7 months, allowing a little bit of a reprieve at least long enough to be present for the birth of his son and soon after spend time getting to know him and life as a daddy.  And in true Shane fashion, he went out in 2008 with a bang having surgery to repair his left ACL on December 23.  He tore his left ACL on Veterans Day while playing what should've been a harmless game of flag football during some much needed and deserved downtime with his fellow Resolute crew members.  But in true Shane fashion, he still keeps on trucking not letting an injured knee keep him down for long.